I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T…do YOU know what that means???


I apologize for my extended absence; I haven’t forgotten my little swag apprentices just been getting my working swag on!  In all this working, I began to remember the effects of busy days on relationships and how it led an ex beau to label me as “fiercely independent”.  I will admit to not always managing my time well between school/work and my relationships, but this title stuck with me and has bugged me a little (or as much as I let what anyone thinks about me bother me) for years.  Initially, I was insulted, then I wore the title as a badge of honor, now I’m seeing the deeper implications.


I’ve had conversations about this to various people, both male and female.  In the past few years, we have seen an influx of songs where male rappers and/or singers demand an “Independent Woman”.  I find it hilarious that when Destiny’s Child made a song of the same title a few years back, men were up in arms and branding every woman humming the catchy little tune “man-hater”.  Now that men are crooning about these women, the fellas are searching for independent women in the daytime with a flashlight!  Still, most men when they find a truly independent woman dismiss her as “cold”, “heartless”, “a robot”, or the ubiquitous word that has tormented all women for decades, “bitch”.

It seems to me, and please correct me if I’m wrong, that these independent women are women with their own jobs, cars, and homes who handle their business while still having fun with her girls and maintaining the good looks and DUMPS that keep you men staring.  This lifestyle has been created by the woman and is maintained by the woman with no help from a man.  Now, how is it that men can expect this woman, who has accomplished all of this in  life, to feel as though her life depends on having a man in it?!?! REALLY?!?!?  What do I look like, as a female who does everything for herself, buys everything for herself, and provides happiness FOR MYSELF, panting, drooling, and pining away for a male?!?!  I look like a fool.  It doesn’t make sense.

Now, I’m not saying all independent women have to be emotionless.  You can be strong while still being vulnerable.  Still, the person you are in life usually is the same person you will be in relationships; if you are a strong-willed person, you will probably be the same way in your relationship, fighting for what you want and making things work.  Since most independent women tend to be very strong-willed, why would you expect them to be any other way in a relationship???

I have many more thoughts on the topic; from the necessity of woman’s new-found independence to the possibility this animosity towards independent women is merely a man’s insecurity about his own shortcomings.  So, in closing, let me say this.  I am an independent woman and I don’t need any man to take care of me BUT (and this “but” is oh, so crucial) I WANT someone to be there for me.  That means that the people I choose to keep in my life are there for no reason other than because I WANT them there.  There are no hidden agendas, no lies, no misleading.  I would never want to be in any man’s life because of his dependence on me because with growth, dependence often fades away.  It seems to me that being WANTED would be desired over being needed since it is an emotion felt wholly of my volition, pure, honest, and permanent.

So what do you think, men of Swaggerful?  See a little truth to these statements or are they merely the musings of a “fiercely independent” woman??

Ciao Bellos!


Ms. Boss

2 thoughts on “I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T…do YOU know what that means???

  1. Logically your right it doesnt make any sense for an independent woman to pant, drool or pine away for a male and at least for me I don’t expect this. I do expect however, for a woman to let me care for her depending on the needs because part of a relationship and being a man is being able to provide for your woman (this has been going on for thousands of years and you can’t fight this physiological need). Independent woman don’t need a man but more than likely they would like one. There essentially has to be a give on the “independent woman” entity for the relationship to thrive. By no means am I saying woman should become submissive but by utilizing some tact and decorum there has to be a created need for the man to provide or he will check out….

Comments are closed.