Crash Dummies….

People always ask us what we mean by the term crash dummy. You have more than likely bumped into and had a conversation with a crash dummy. If you don’t think you have, maybe you are the one that is the crash dummy. Some of your smartest people can be crash dummies, they just lack the common sense required to function in society sometimes. Though crash dummies are not so swaggerful, every once in a while, we here at Swaggerful will post ACTUAL conversations between one of us and a crash dummy for you guys to enjoy.

If you read a conversation and recognize that it may have been you that was the crash dummy, don’t be offended, we understand that sometimes people have their off days and you have been forgiven. Once again, these are REAL CONVERSATIONS.

Situation #1: When dealing with crash dummy questions,  no need to type out an answer, it was probably answered earlier in the conversation. Simply copy and paste the same thing you just said.

For Example:

Her: yup you did
we had a blast on 6th
getting old huh?
Me: never said i was going to sixth on sat
Her: it’s required
Me: getting old? nah i was just tired and wasnt feeling it at the timee
Her: if you come to austin, yea it is required
Me: hahaha well im here now and im not hitting 6th…..oops
Her: you are in austin?
Me: hahaha well im here now and im not hitting 6th…..oops
Her: you
are
in
austin?
Me: hahaha well im here now and im not hitting 6th

Situation #2: Multiply large numbers by two when speaking with crash dummies, makes for interesting conversation.

For Example:

Her: I weigh 111
Me: Oh ok, i’m like double that
Her: So you’re 211?
Me: TWO ELEVEN?!?!?! Are you sure?
Her:
yeeeaaa?
Me: Please try again
Her: when you multiply anything by two….

Pause: I need to fast foward through this because this level of crash dumminess may be too extreme for some of our viewers.

 
 

Me: I hope u learn this before you take your mcats
Me: cause that equals 222
Her:
yea, i’m bad at physics

 

Pause: Being that this has nothing to do with physics, I had to X out the window and lay down so that my head wouldn’t explode.

*After she said “so you’re 211” I wish i had said “ok, now divide that number by two and tell me what you get”.

Situation #3: Sometimes you just have to point out said crash dummines and proceed to end the conversation.

For Example:

Me: so what are you going to do with yourself today
Her: work out and shop
Me: nice nice, what you shopping for?
Her: nothing i just have a problem. I spent like 200 yesterday
Me: ohh alright, thought you needed to save?
Her: yeah i should but i am not good at it
Me: ohh alright then

Situation #4: Last but not least, crash dummies can lurk in the back seat of your car on a road trip and you wouldn’t even notice it until its time to eat.

For Example:

Her (back seat dummy): Jeez guys I am gettin kind of hungry
Her (shot gun passenger): Yeah me too, I was just about to say that
Me: Well where do you girls want to eat?  We can do healthy sub sandwiches, we can do fast food burgers or we can do…
Her (shot gun passenger): Heeeeey, there goes a Craker Barrel, lets go there.  I want to eat steak, I havn’t had a good  steak in a long time.
Her (back seat dummy): Ooooooooo man, I had the best steak last week.  I had baby back ribs
Everyone Else: *blank stare* then, huh? What did you say?
Her (back seat dummy): I had ribs last week and it was the best I have had in forever.
Me: *Mute the radio, then* But girl, we was talking about steak, what are you saying?
Me: *blank stare into rear view mirror to dummy’s boyfriend*
Her boyfriend: *shrugs shoulders*
Her (back seat dummy): Yeah, duh I had some good ass ribs, … wait guys, are you trying to say ribs dont count as steak?
Everyone Else: *blank stare*
Her (back seat dummy): (in a convinced arguing voice) Yes yes yes, ribs are steak… it’s a different kind of steak.
Me: *Raises radio volume and continues the road trip*

Crash Dummy

Brought to you by:

Mr. Swag

Please post your favorite Crash Dummy Conversations in the comments.

6 thoughts on “Crash Dummies….

  1. Wow, thank you for the entertainment. You just made my afternoon at the office a bit more interesting. Lol

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